Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel?
Sometimes...no matter what you say, how you say it, what you do, or how you do it...it's just wrong. I do try my best in all things. Often, I fail.
I don't have a hard time saying "sorry". I do have a hard time when I have my feelings hurt to let things go. I know when I am hurt or frustrated, my tone of voice changes.
I have struggled with this my whole life. I am constantly thinking about it. "It is not what you say, it is how you say it"!!! I know, I am not the only one in the world that struggles with this. Although, it sure feels like it.
I am a very emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I like to talk it out, not run away from it. Communication is the key to any good relationship. It is not easy. Especially, when you feel hurt. As well as, having something to say that is difficult to talk about. I believe it is often harder to communicate when you have been hurt by a person's words. I know for me I am very trusting and loyal. So, once I feel betrayed or hurt it takes time to repair the damage.
I don't intentionally hurt people. But, I may come off that way. I always try to take others feeling before mine. I know when I am hurt it is hard for me to do that. Taming our mouths is hard. I have learned that it is best to stay quiet and count to 10. It is important to recognize your weaknesses.
Often, I find reading the bible and praying...before reactng is the best thing.
I wish I would always do it.
I am Hoping to do it more.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
My Song.....
A Song wrote for Me.
By a dear Sweet Friend
God knew.... She would need me in her life.
I am thankful and blessed she is in my Life!!
I am beyond Blessed to have gone through my pain to show her there is always....
Sunshine after the rain and Clouds Don't Last.
Dark days, sleepless nights Cloudy haze, I can't take this fight A bright moon, but still no sun I wanna win this war but I've only just begun.
My body aches, my eyes burn red The smile I fake, no one listens to a word I've said The hurt I feel has me living in fear My pain is real but I've cried my last tear.
What happened to the girl who was strong and always had a song in her heart? I need to break away from this loneliness I think todays a great day to start. I can't dwell, though its hard, I can't continue in my past I had a friend once say that clouds don't last...
One step, at a time Got a grip on what once was mine Feeling more, every day Still unsure, til I hear that friend say
What happened to the girl who was stong and always had a song in her heart? You need to break away from the loneliness, I think todays a great day to start You can't dwell, though its hard, you can't be living in your past You need to hear me say that clouds don't last
So I'm taking her advice and looking to the sky I see a ray of sun thats finally breaking through And I smile for the first time and my eyes can finally see That there's a life thats awaiting me...
Now I'm the girl who is strong and always has a song in my heart I broke away from the loneliness, I picked a great day to start I don't dwell, it was hard but I aint livin in the past. I'm glad I listened when she said that clouds don't last
That friend was right, and her words I can pass I'll tell you the same, your clouds won't last...
Revised and dedicated to you.
In Awe...all I can say is I adore and love her very much.
God knew.... She would need me in her life.
I am thankful and blessed she is in my Life!!
I am beyond Blessed to have gone through my pain to show her there is always....
Sunshine after the rain and Clouds Don't Last.
Dark days, sleepless nights Cloudy haze, I can't take this fight A bright moon, but still no sun I wanna win this war but I've only just begun.
My body aches, my eyes burn red The smile I fake, no one listens to a word I've said The hurt I feel has me living in fear My pain is real but I've cried my last tear.
What happened to the girl who was strong and always had a song in her heart? I need to break away from this loneliness I think todays a great day to start. I can't dwell, though its hard, I can't continue in my past I had a friend once say that clouds don't last...
One step, at a time Got a grip on what once was mine Feeling more, every day Still unsure, til I hear that friend say
What happened to the girl who was stong and always had a song in her heart? You need to break away from the loneliness, I think todays a great day to start You can't dwell, though its hard, you can't be living in your past You need to hear me say that clouds don't last
So I'm taking her advice and looking to the sky I see a ray of sun thats finally breaking through And I smile for the first time and my eyes can finally see That there's a life thats awaiting me...
Now I'm the girl who is strong and always has a song in my heart I broke away from the loneliness, I picked a great day to start I don't dwell, it was hard but I aint livin in the past. I'm glad I listened when she said that clouds don't last
That friend was right, and her words I can pass I'll tell you the same, your clouds won't last...
Revised and dedicated to you.
In Awe...all I can say is I adore and love her very much.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Ready... Set... Go...
Wow, four months have gone by since I posted something. I have been writing. Just not posting. Many changes, new things and thoughts have been going on in this "busy" brain of mine. I feel as if I have been living in a small whirl wind of emotions. Some days feeling very happy and content then frustrated and beyond overwhelmed.
Happy and content....blessed and loved. In ways I have longed for. It's truly is the little things that make all the difference in the day to day.
My Motto for the current moment is: "One Thing At A Time".
Which I say Laughingly at times...because it seems as if the is one of my Life Motto's. The Stress that one can carry is Incredible concerning all that may be happening. I have had to learn how to compartmentalize many of my emotions to just get through the Crap of Life. I think it is funny how people can say "your so emotional" and "I just don't know how they will react". Well... if you never give them the opportunity to react. I guess you are more afraid of your emotions... then the other person is of theirs.
I hear so often people say they "don't want to deal with Drama". Well...It is there even if you don't want to deal with it. People have scrects that don't want to be told or found out. But, eventually they will come out. I know we all have a certain part of us that wishes we never said those words or made that choice.
Drama is Defined as:
dra·ma
Happy and content....blessed and loved. In ways I have longed for. It's truly is the little things that make all the difference in the day to day.
My Motto for the current moment is: "One Thing At A Time".
Which I say Laughingly at times...because it seems as if the is one of my Life Motto's. The Stress that one can carry is Incredible concerning all that may be happening. I have had to learn how to compartmentalize many of my emotions to just get through the Crap of Life. I think it is funny how people can say "your so emotional" and "I just don't know how they will react". Well... if you never give them the opportunity to react. I guess you are more afraid of your emotions... then the other person is of theirs.
I hear so often people say they "don't want to deal with Drama". Well...It is there even if you don't want to deal with it. People have scrects that don't want to be told or found out. But, eventually they will come out. I know we all have a certain part of us that wishes we never said those words or made that choice.
Drama is Defined as:
dra·ma
noun
1.
a composition in prose or verse presenting in dialogue or pantomime a story involving conflict or contrast of character, especially one intended to be acted on the stage; a play.
2.
3.
the art dealing with the writing and production of plays.
4.
any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results: the drama of a murder trial.
5.
Therefore, I believe we all have Drama in our lives and how we chose to respond to it shows a person's true character.
My Friend Closet.
I have a wonderful group of amazing friends. I am beyond blessed to have the closet of friends I have. We all have Friends who water our souls and push us in ways we can not ourselves. We also have friends that we just want to have fun with without any judgements.
My favorite thing about my friend closet is the amount of respect I have for my Friends and what each of them has taught me about myself. A select few of them have sat and cried with me when that was all I could do. My words could never express my gratitude. Some I have laughed so hard with...I thought I was going to have abs of steel forever...haha!!!
I believe God places people in your life for a specific purpose and some are there forever, some for a short time, and some go in and out. Real friends no matter time or distances are always friends. You know a friend for life when you just pick up right where you left off.
I am thankful, blessed, and love My Friends each and everyone!!! You Have all helped shape me and been there for me!!
My favorite thing about my friend closet is the amount of respect I have for my Friends and what each of them has taught me about myself. A select few of them have sat and cried with me when that was all I could do. My words could never express my gratitude. Some I have laughed so hard with...I thought I was going to have abs of steel forever...haha!!!
I believe God places people in your life for a specific purpose and some are there forever, some for a short time, and some go in and out. Real friends no matter time or distances are always friends. You know a friend for life when you just pick up right where you left off.
I am thankful, blessed, and love My Friends each and everyone!!! You Have all helped shape me and been there for me!!
Feeling Stuck
Anyone Else....Feel this way at times??
I think in my life I feel stuck when I have big DECISIONS to make that are going to impact those closest to me. I try to always take in to account how my decisions will affect them..even before me. I never want to hurt someone or cause pain. Sometimes, pain is impossible to avoid. I know there are people in my Life that do not think how there decisions affect those of us around them. I know we all are responsible for our reactions to a person/or situation. I just get very frustrated when I know that they think of only themselves...even when they say they do consider how what they do affects those around them. I do my best to always think of the people in my life that will be affected most.
Feeling stuck in an impossible situation makes it very hard to see things clearly. sometimes our perception is just that. When we take a step back and look at the big picture our eyes are usually do open to the possibility of the change that can be made.
It may be a letter, phone call, or a conversation. You have been putting off. The outcome may surprise you. We all have to put ourselves about in someone today eldest shoes once in awhile. When we are able to step back, we can see we are not stuck.
We just need to have the faith to take a step forward to become unstuck.
I think in my life I feel stuck when I have big DECISIONS to make that are going to impact those closest to me. I try to always take in to account how my decisions will affect them..even before me. I never want to hurt someone or cause pain. Sometimes, pain is impossible to avoid. I know there are people in my Life that do not think how there decisions affect those of us around them. I know we all are responsible for our reactions to a person/or situation. I just get very frustrated when I know that they think of only themselves...even when they say they do consider how what they do affects those around them. I do my best to always think of the people in my life that will be affected most.
Feeling stuck in an impossible situation makes it very hard to see things clearly. sometimes our perception is just that. When we take a step back and look at the big picture our eyes are usually do open to the possibility of the change that can be made.
It may be a letter, phone call, or a conversation. You have been putting off. The outcome may surprise you. We all have to put ourselves about in someone today eldest shoes once in awhile. When we are able to step back, we can see we are not stuck.
We just need to have the faith to take a step forward to become unstuck.
Moving through the Pain.
As the years go by the sting and the scars are less and less...but they Never completely go away. Certain dates always trigger emotions/feelings. The date of: a wedding, birth of a child, a family member/loved passes away, a divorce or an anniversary of a specific event.
Sometimes, I am not thinking directly about that event on the day.
But during that day....I will hear a song, talk to a friend or come a cross something that will trigger an emotion/feeling. In that moment it will take me right back to those memories. We all have events/moments in our lives that cause us pain. There are ways to hide the pain for a while...but it eventually finds its way out. When the pain comes out it can show up when we least expect it. It is how we choose to deal with our emotions/feelings is what is important.
Having loved ones to confide in and share makes the sting bearable.
I am thankful for the Pain in My Life. I know there is a reason for it all. I have a purpose for going through in it all. Looking forward to the day when it all comes together. As for now, I will continue to write.
Sometimes, I am not thinking directly about that event on the day.
But during that day....I will hear a song, talk to a friend or come a cross something that will trigger an emotion/feeling. In that moment it will take me right back to those memories. We all have events/moments in our lives that cause us pain. There are ways to hide the pain for a while...but it eventually finds its way out. When the pain comes out it can show up when we least expect it. It is how we choose to deal with our emotions/feelings is what is important.
Having loved ones to confide in and share makes the sting bearable.
I am thankful for the Pain in My Life. I know there is a reason for it all. I have a purpose for going through in it all. Looking forward to the day when it all comes together. As for now, I will continue to write.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
clouds don't last
Clouds don't last they bring rain when we need it most.
They bring shade on a hot day. The storm they accompany may be just what we need to make a change. A change that may not have been able to happen without it/them. Pain is a part of the clouds and storm. Without them we may stay in a place we are not suppose to. It forces us to see things about ourselves. We might not have seen.
They teach us what we need to change or what we need to watch for and not repeat. I believe pain can be twofold a catalyst for change/of a force to stop you dead in your path. Those of us who choose it as a catalyst...do move foward. Sometimes, not as fast as we would like...but we are still moving and changing. Those who let pain stop them...never evolve. They stop themselves from allowing the change that they may need most in their life.
For me personally I have done both. The times I have allowed it to stop me are the times I needed it most to change. Now, I have allowed it it to show me what I need to do to make the changes. Although, being completely honest it is not easy to see your faults sitting at your feet. What is most important for is that you recognize what needs to change. In doing that you are half way to where you need to be. In all of this, our strength grows stronger as we make the changes to become who we are to be. On the FLIPSIDE you must remember that our strengths far out way our faults . As long as we don't allow the pain to stop us on our path.
Kel<3
They bring shade on a hot day. The storm they accompany may be just what we need to make a change. A change that may not have been able to happen without it/them. Pain is a part of the clouds and storm. Without them we may stay in a place we are not suppose to. It forces us to see things about ourselves. We might not have seen.
They teach us what we need to change or what we need to watch for and not repeat. I believe pain can be twofold a catalyst for change/of a force to stop you dead in your path. Those of us who choose it as a catalyst...do move foward. Sometimes, not as fast as we would like...but we are still moving and changing. Those who let pain stop them...never evolve. They stop themselves from allowing the change that they may need most in their life.
For me personally I have done both. The times I have allowed it to stop me are the times I needed it most to change. Now, I have allowed it it to show me what I need to do to make the changes. Although, being completely honest it is not easy to see your faults sitting at your feet. What is most important for is that you recognize what needs to change. In doing that you are half way to where you need to be. In all of this, our strength grows stronger as we make the changes to become who we are to be. On the FLIPSIDE you must remember that our strengths far out way our faults . As long as we don't allow the pain to stop us on our path.
Kel<3
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