Ready... Set... Go...

Wow, four months have gone by since I posted something. I have been writing. Just not posting. Many changes, new things and thoughts have been going on in this "busy" brain of mine. I feel as if I have been living in a small whirl wind of emotions. Some days feeling very happy and content then frustrated and beyond overwhelmed.

Happy and content....blessed and loved. In ways I have longed for. It's truly is the little things that make all the difference in the day to day.

My Motto for the current moment is: "One Thing At A Time".

Which I say Laughingly at times...because it seems as if the is one of my Life Motto's. The Stress that one can carry is Incredible concerning all that may be happening. I have had to learn how to compartmentalize many of my emotions to just get through the Crap of Life. I think it is funny how people can say "your so emotional" and "I just don't know how they will react". Well... if you never give them the opportunity to react. I guess you are more afraid of your emotions... then the other person is of theirs.

I hear so often people say they "don't want to deal with Drama". Well...It is there even if you don't want to deal with it. People have scrects that don't want to be told or found out. But, eventually they will come out. I know we all have a certain part of us that wishes we never said those words or made that choice.

Drama is Defined as:

dra·ma                                                                                                                      

noun

1.

a composition in prose or verse presenting in dialogue or pantomime a story involving conflict or contrast of character, especially one intended to be acted on the stage; a play.

2.

the branch of literature having such compositions as its subject; dramatic art or representation.

3.

the art dealing with the writing and production of plays.

4.

any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results: the drama of a murder trial.

5.

the quality of being dramatic.

Therefore, I believe we all have Drama in our lives and how we chose to respond to it shows a person's true character.

My Friend Closet.

I have a wonderful group of amazing friends. I am beyond blessed to have the closet of friends I have. We all have Friends who water our souls and push us in ways we can not ourselves. We also have friends that we just want to have fun with without any judgements.

My favorite thing about my friend closet is the amount of respect I have for my Friends and what each of them has taught me about myself. A select few of them have sat and cried with me when that was all I could do. My words could never express my gratitude. Some I have laughed so hard with...I thought I was going to have abs of steel forever...haha!!!

I believe God places people in your life for a specific purpose and some are there forever, some for a short time, and some go in and out. Real friends no matter time or distances are always friends. You know a friend for life when you just pick up right where you left off.

I am thankful, blessed, and love My Friends each and everyone!!! You Have all helped shape me and been there for me!!

Feeling Stuck

Anyone Else....Feel this way at times??

I think in my life I feel stuck when I have big DECISIONS to make that are going to impact those closest to me. I try to always take in to account how my decisions will affect them..even before me. I never want to hurt someone or cause pain. Sometimes, pain is impossible to avoid. I know there are people in my Life that do not think how there decisions affect those of us around them. I know we all are responsible for our reactions to a person/or situation. I just get very frustrated when I know that they think of only themselves...even when they say they do consider how what they do affects those around them. I do my best to always think of the people in my life that will be affected most.

Feeling stuck in an impossible situation makes it very hard to see things clearly. sometimes our perception is just that. When we take a step back and look at the big picture our eyes are usually do open to the possibility of the change that can be made.

It may be a letter, phone call, or a conversation. You have been putting off. The outcome may surprise you. We all have to put ourselves about in someone today eldest shoes once in awhile. When we are able to step back, we can see we are not stuck.

We just need to have the faith to take a step forward to become unstuck.

Moving through the Pain.

As the years go by the sting and the scars are less and less...but they Never completely go away. Certain dates always trigger emotions/feelings. The date of: a wedding, birth of a child, a family member/loved passes away, a divorce or an anniversary of a specific event.

Sometimes, I am not thinking directly about that event on the day.
But during that day....I will hear a song, talk to a friend or come a cross something that will trigger an emotion/feeling. In that moment it will take me right back to those memories. We all have events/moments in our lives that cause us pain. There are ways to hide the pain for a while...but it eventually finds its way out. When the pain comes out it can show up when we least expect it. It is how we choose to deal with our emotions/feelings is what is important.

Having loved ones to confide in and share makes the sting bearable.
I am thankful for the Pain in My Life. I know there is a reason for it all. I have a purpose for going through in it all. Looking forward to the day when it all comes together. As for now, I will continue to write.

clouds don't last

Clouds don't last they bring rain when we need it most.

They bring shade on a hot day. The storm they accompany may be just what we need to make a change. A change that may not have been able to happen without it/them. Pain is a part of the clouds and storm. Without them we may stay in a place we are not suppose to. It forces us to see things about ourselves. We might not have seen.

They teach us what we need to change or what we need to watch for and not repeat. I believe pain can be twofold a catalyst for change/of a force to stop you dead in your path. Those of us who choose it as a catalyst...do move foward. Sometimes, not as fast as we would like...but we are still moving and changing. Those who let pain stop them...never evolve. They stop themselves from allowing the change that they may need most in their life.

For me personally I have done both. The times I have allowed it to stop me are the times I needed it most to change. Now, I have allowed it it to show me what I need to do to make the changes. Although, being completely honest it is not easy to see your faults sitting at your feet. What is most important for is that you recognize what needs to change. In doing that you are half way to where you need to be. In all of this, our strength grows stronger as we make the changes to become who we are to be. On the FLIPSIDE you must remember that our strengths far out way our faults . As long as we don't allow the pain to stop us on our path.

Kel<3

There are always consequences for each of our actions/choices...good and bad.

My thoughts are we all have free will to make good/bad choices/actions in our lives.

So...the question is who do you think of when your making them. Do you only think of yourself? Because each choice/action affects not only you/me...but those who are closest to us. This may be a difficult subject for some more than others. I have always been an observer of people around me..even at a young age. Therefore, I think I know quite a bit about the affect the choices/actions have on those that are closest to me.

The first circumstance that comes to mind is having to walk away from a relationship with a dear friend in High School. We spent almost every waking hour together. We were more like sisters. I loved her family. Just like they were my family. But...she was making choices that were affecting us both. I loved her very much and still to this day think of her often.

I had a wonderful ! Mentor in my life that pointed out what was happening. She was someone I trusted and knew she only wanted the "BEST" for me. She sat me down and said..."you see what is going on, right." I did...but didn't want to lose a friend.

Sometimes, we have to lose to gain.
Remember, all your choices affect others!
❤Kel

When I grow up.....or it seems the Journey is on going.

Growing up is a part of life..but I think for some it is a life long process. Each of us has our own specific Journey. I know I do. I know we have to take the good with the bad. We are all responsible for our choices and the consequences that come with them. I am thankful for the place I am at... and the future ahead. I have been thinking about all of this for awhile. So I thought I'd put it out there.

This was from a status I posted in March or April:

Ok....friends...Poll time. I am working on making some changes in life...As well as working on my BLOG....2 questions I have (please be honest)..:)....
1. What should I be when I grow up?__________
2. When I think of Kel Bird the one word that comes to mind is____________. Thanks for playing.

These are the answers that were given to the two questions:

A dancer and a very sweet person.
A therapist or Teacher/Honest
Therapist/kind
You should be a missionary ....or a social worker...caring :)
Teacher/Loving ♥
Teacher of therapists/ Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious :D love you!!
who needs to grow up/spunky
A crisis councilor/ loyal
princess... sexkitten (its totally one word)


I think it is funny to read what certain people think one word describes you. Some can use one word and others give an explanation. I love my Friends dearly and to see what they say makes me smile.

I think we are all on a journey of some kind. For some it may be spiritual, understanding themselves and finding their purpose in life. I know there may be many that have another reason for their journey.
We are all at different points on our journeys. Hopefully you are at peace with where you are. I know for me there are times I am. Then there are many times I am not and know something needs to change.

Hope this makes you think about your Journey.
Kel<3

questions to be answered

Just a few ??? that swirl around in my head Often.

Why am I here?
What Is my Purpose?
Where is my Fairy Tale?
When will I grow up?
Why does it hurt so much to Love something or someone you can't have?
What can I do to make a change?
Where is the Love?
When will my time come?
Why does Life seem fair for others and not sooo much for others?
Why is it there are times I feel I give my all and then it seems as if it was not enough?

thoughts....

At times I sit and think....
of the chances I have taken.
....opportunities I let pass.
....steps I have made.
....people who have walked out on my life.
....people in my life.
....pain I have had to Endure.
....lack of a real relationship with my mom...(whom I love dearly)
....women who have more than filled that void in my life. (to them I will be forever grateful)
....advice I have taken.
....advice I have given.
....advice I have ignored.
....advice I have given and then in turn...used myself :)
....my Beautiful, Wonderful, Lovely, Dear friends who have helped know
    who I am in all my struggles and in my joy.
....my Loving Family who is a constant encouragement.
....my precious girl who loves me, makes me laugh and gives me a hug always at the right moment.
....How thankful I am to be a sinner Saved by HIS Blood and Grace.

Kel<3

Change Brings Gifts!

I know what Love is...but not sure if I'll ever be able to keep it.

It is so hard to be the one who is told...."It's just not going to work or I don't see a future for us"....after all that you have gone through with that special person or so you thought. As well as, thinking your love was unconditional....but I guess it just was not that way at the moment.

What do you do with all the pictures and cards??!!... that meant soooo much. It's hard to let go and move on especially when you had the intentions to be in it for the long haul. I guess not having your say and how you felt about things makes it hard to grasp. Once the decision is made its made and there is no changing it. I very much dislike the pain...but I do know it will not go without a lesson learned and something once again to pass on.

I knew this year would be a year of change..but did not expect it to take a turn in certain areas. I have faults (quite a few which I don't hide them and hope to continue to work towards changing them) and "Baggage"... but who doesn't. We all have faults: Such as laziness in certain areas, we procrastinate, we have anger issues, hold things in and don't share our deepest fears, and we hide our pain and try our "BEST" to disguise it.

I can promise you in all of this.....I will hold the special memories close to my heart and the cherished time spent with those people who made a difference in my life for that time. One thing I have LEARNED is to be thankful in every situation and find what you need to grow and change from it. Not to say it does suck for a while, but that truly goes without saying...:)

Moving on and forward knowing that I am a strong woman who will love and do her best for those who are in her life. Walking through the open doors and allowing the doors that need to be closed are closed solid. Faithfully knowing I am not the one in CONTROL...but I have to do the work and follow my heart.

Looking forward to the Gifts that are coming with the change. A New Chapter Begins..........................

Kel<3

Love and Loss

Love and Loss......

Two Emotions...
Joy/Pain...or any of the many adjectives you can insert for your experiences.

Lets talk about the Love/Joy Part first.

The Love that makes you wake up in the morning is the BEST kind of Love. The truest definition of Love is....Actions. I think your actions are the best way to show Love. Using words to back up your actions is a wonderful way to show Love and should be done often. Love is also....unselfish and unconditional.  The way I believe true Love lasts is by always putting the other person first. Love can come in many forms. For example: Love for a lover, Love for a friend, Love for your family, Love for your child/children, Love for a Job, and Love for a passion you have.  Pick one and then you may understand what I am talking about.

I also think at times Love comes with a price..but it should not be a struggle to Love. I have many Loves in my Life...but knowing that Someone truly Loves Me for Me regardless of my past mistakes makes me want to wake up in the morning. As well as having someone that has more expectations of you than you do of yourself at times. Sometimes it takes, the perspective of that person to make you realize that you are worth the struggle. Sometimes hard work has to happen to make things better in your life. Knowing that their intentions are for the best even when you are afraid to make the steps to make changes that you know need to be made. Having that person/people in your life is..... How we know we are Loved.

The Joy part comes from watching those in our lives achieve the things they have been striving for. Joy is having a beautiful little girl who reflects your imperfections and best qualities. She is my mini-me and it is beyond fun to watch her  grow and change. Joy is being loved completely for all that you are.

Now....Loss/Pain

Loss and Pain go hand in hand. One will not be without the other. I think Loss and Pain make you stronger or push in a direction you need to go. Death of a loved one or family member is a Pain that many of us have had to endure. For me watching a beloved grandparent pass away is beyond what I never wanted to experience. The pain that is felt in those moments can hurt for many years until you properly grieve.

Loss and Pain over the ending of a marriage or a relationship. The hurt is almost crushing for a moment or for a while depending what you feel you need to do. From my experiences I have had two relationships that I thought were going to last. My pain is my pain and I will own it and move through it. Parts of me have changed because of them, but I know they have shaped parts of who I am as well. We all have situations or things in our life that cause us pain. It is how we choose to move on for ourselves and the people in our lives is what is important. I have many things I need to get past and moving through the pain is part of it.

Blessings.
Kel<3

"Blood is Thicker than Water" It is all in your interpretation.

I have been thinking a lot about the Phrase: "Blood is Thicker than Water"

.......because of all I have been through in my Life and the Relationships that have remained strong through all of it. As well as, reflecting on relationships I thought were strong yet now seem to be very one sided. Also, I feel I have lost people..... I thought would always be standing right by my side. I know all relationships, friendships even family members go through phases and sometimes you don't always feel close or people move away and you lose touch. But there are definitely, relationships/friendships that can go the test of time and distance...and yet the next time you talk/ or see each other it is as if nothing has changed.  I know that people do come and go from your life because they are meant to be there for a certain amount of time to teach you about yourself and help shape you into the person you are to become.

Here is the definition of RELATIONSHIP:

re·la·tion·ship

–noun

1. a connection, association, or involvement.

2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.

3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.

4. a sexual involvement; affair. 

—Synonyms 1. dependence, alliance, kinship. 2. affinity, consanguinity. Relationship, kinship  refer to connection with others by blood or by marriage. Relationship  can be applied to connection either by birth or by marriage: relationship to a ruling family. Kinship  generally denotes common descent and implies a more intimate connection than relationship: the ties and obligations of kinship.

Here is the Definition of FRIENDSHIP:

friend·ship

–noun

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

2. a friendly relation or intimacy.

3. friendly feeling or disposition.  

—Synonyms 2.  harmony, accord, understanding, rapport.

We all have certain people we go to without a doubt. In Moments of Crisis and Joy. Those we know will always tell us the Truth, be Honest, Forgiving, Loyal, Loving, Compassionate and not Judge us. They accept us for all our faults and still Love us in spite of them. I am beyond blessed and feel so grateful everyday for those I have this kind of relationship with. I Have FIVE people/couples (they know who they are without me even saying) that No matter what.... I know They will always have my back. I am beyond blessed to have an amazing Family and an UNMEASURABLE group of friends who LOVE ME FOR ME!!!!

As you can see when you read the Definitions of Relationship and Friendship one talks about the "Blood Bond" which is a fact. I believe from my experiences that there is a "Unspoken blood bond" that is created in friendships. I believe even though you are related to someone the definition of friendship applies more than relationship.

Here is a Status from My Facebook Page:

I might be opening a can of worms.....but what is your opinion on the statement: "blood is thicker than water"

Here are the responses I received:

bonds of family are stronger than bonds of friendship.

It may be thicker but it's also messier! ;)

my take....blood is thicker than water because the relationships between blood are more resonating. Whether bad or good your blood affects you to the core and it is always with you, water can be hot or cold but both can go stale and you throw away stale water.

Family is Family regardless of blood line....Blood line usually use that as an excuse but friends that are FAMILY are true!

...but I do think that the majority of the time that friends/husbands/wifes can come and go but family stays forever, like your kids and your parents .

What I have always told my girls is a sister's relationship is with you for life their well being should always come before a friend. 

I can attest to that! I wouldn't have a CLUE what I would do without my sisters right now. I love my friends more than life itself, but nothing like "blood"... just a bit different, in different situations..I am living it. ♥

Some of the comments ring very true. While, I may have a different opinion, I value each of you who choose to share. What I believe is regardless of family bond/ or friendship if the relationship is one direction it will not survive, it is about communication, forgiveness, honesty, and understanding.

<3 Kel

Say what you need to say.....

Music is true therapy to my Soul. If you know know me well you know I'm a BIG John Mayer Fan. A lot of his songs have given me the motivation to move forward and let go of certain things in my Life.

"Say what you need to Say" is one of my very FAVORITES.

So here are the Lyrics to help understand:

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only ...

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say


The Reason I LOVE this song so much and why it means a lot to me is... I feel sometimes we hold back on what we say because we are afraid of what the other persons reaction will be and how that will effect our relationship with them.

A wonderful friend explained and taught me that their reaction is not our responsibility. You have no CONTROL over their reaction. What you have Control over is how the message is delivered. That is not to say that when you say something to someone you don't think about the best way to to say what you need to say is. It's just that we all need to be compassionate and truthful in all things even when it hurts.

We only have so much time on this earth and I believe we all have a responsibility to speak the TRUTH. Also,why leave things unsaid especially to family. I have experienced pain that I never thought I'd have to experience. Therefore going forward in my LIFE..... I want to SAY too Much vs. Not Enough.

I have learned that you really have to say what you need to say. I have been given many opportunities to speak into others lives and I hope and Pray that the words are not just from me. l feel deeply in my heart that saying too much especially when it comes to your loved ones and the moments you share with them it is never enough. I know I have Said what I needed to Say to My Loved ones.... BUT I know I have more to Say and when the opportunity is Right more will be said.

I always try to tell those that are most important in my life how much they mean to me and How blessed I am to have them in my Life.
<3 Kel

Beauty from Ashes...............

Where to start???!!!... I guess here it goes.

I am almost 36 and I think and know my Life has been full of tragedy and beauty. I have so much I want to say. So, please bear with me. I may be a bit scattered until I figure out what and how to write it all. I will promise you this, I will write from my heart and share my beauty and ashes of my Life.

I have watched loved ones die and little ones be born. I have held a friends hand in triumph and hugged a friend in pain. I have seen and watched my mother walk a rough road filled with almost unbelievable events that I would not believe them if I was not apart of them. I know what I have experienced will not go without impacting others. I know first hand there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it is so real you never feel as if your going to reach it.

The Beauty of My Life:
          is watching the sunrise on a new day, even when you can't get out of bed to meet that day.
          is being able to hug your daughter even when you know the world around you is falling apart.
          is loving someone unconditionally and knowing at the end of the day they are your soft place to fall.
          is always having Friends who will be there no mater what and willing to just listen.
          is having Family that have beared a lot of my pain. They have carried me in their prayers and thoughts and I am eternally grateful.

The Ashes of My Life:
          is being with someone for almost 12years and your life ripped out from underneath you.
          is knowing your Mom has tried to commit Suicide four times and constantly having in the back of your mind that you may get that phone call again.
          is being a child of divorce and never wanting my child to experience the same pain.
          is having to deal with the pain of physical/emotional abuse as a child and learning to know it was not your fault.

The Beauty and Ashes of a Savior who has walked every mile with me and carried me toooo many times to count. I know without a shadow of any doubt in my mind that is why I can sit and write all of this down. My Angels have been on double duty my whole life. Hoping this year will give them a bit of a break.

I am the beauty in the ashes from a life filled with pain. I always try and see the good in everyone and the beauty that is in all of us. <3

"Say ,What you Need to Say" will be next.........